if you like me you must not know who I am
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
