All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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