I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He kissed a someone with a penis
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
