hotel room ftw
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
