Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
