just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
We left an ass print on the piano.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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