you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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