Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
