He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
