i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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