Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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