VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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