Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize