you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
