i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
