How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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