Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We are two peas in an std pod
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
