I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
