Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
