got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
