It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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