i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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