I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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