She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
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I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
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Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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