I just cut my nipple shaving
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
