ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
