Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
So many bounce houses so little time
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
