brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
