last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
