You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
