Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
one might say we're banned from that church
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
where are my eyebrows?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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