Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
my penis made a compromise with my morals
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
