Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
