i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
