Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
