dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
