I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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