all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
