My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
As shirtless as possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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