My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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