your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
