i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
