I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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