Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Did I show you my penis last night?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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