I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
