I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
