my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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