i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
