we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
