I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Dicks are not precious.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
