I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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