new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
