I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize