I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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