Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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