i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
