I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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