I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
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