You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
