How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
