they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Pants are for mortals
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