This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
