My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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