just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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