I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
