This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
