Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
