btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
