It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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