She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
