Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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