We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
