I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
