The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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