fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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