How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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