Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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