Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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